Hello world!

On top of Mount Jefferson, NC October 2012

On top of Mount Jefferson, NC October 2012

As a Baby Boomer who turned 67 in 2013, who had built a wall around my heart, with a declaration over the previous  five years that I would never get in a serious relationship again, I finally woke up and chose to start living again!  I’m hoping I can share some of the good, bad and the ugly experiences I’ve had, to keep you from making the same ones (I hope)!

I had been out of the dating scene for quite a while and wasn’t that experienced throughout my entire adult life, before and after my two marriages and ultimate divorces.  It seemed I always had someone with me.  From a roommate at the YWCA after high school in 1964 to a two-bedroom apartment in Charlotte, then a studio apartment over a sweet, elderly lady’s garage before getting married in 1967 and moving into our new brick house, not far from South Park, where Eastern Airlines’ Res Center was located on Fairview.

We moved back to my childhood neighborhood, thirty minutes from uptown Charlotte, after I found out I was pregnant with our second child.  Tim, our first child, was almost 2 years old, so we wanted to move to the country and build a house on the acre of land that my parents gave us for a wedding present.  It was going to be so nice to be next door to them, although it was about a half of a mile “up the road”.

There were a few other “alone” times; however, until 2007, I didn’t know how to react  when friends and family members commented that I must really be lonely, just because I was alone!  I was too busy and too happy to be lonely!

I guess Chuck was probably a ‘little’ (drastically understated here) overwhelmed.   (See Chuck’s question to me.)  My low self-confidence and esteem were conflicting with my high self-confidence and esteem.  I know that I am the best woman for any man, so why was I feeling so inadequate?   (I learned you MUST learn to love yourself if you expect others to love you!)  Why was I so nervous about meeting Chuck?

Let me back up to my early teenage years, before I attempt to answer that question — back in the day of trying to decide what I really wanted to do with my life.  In my childhood, as most young children do, I wanted to be a nurse.  No, no, not just any nurse, I wanted to be just like Florence Nightingale.  However, after experiencing getting a vaccination  and seeing, firsthand, all kinds of medical situations, I decided that I did not think I was strong enough to be a nurse.  I really admire all nurses!

After searching through books in the guidance counselor’s office in high school, I went home to discuss this indecision with my parents.  That’s when my father told me that one of his friend’s daughter worked for an airline.  He said she flew all over the country and loved it.  He suggested I check into doing that.  My eyes lit up and I exclaimed, “That’s it!  I want to be a stewardess (now called flight attendants)!  We lived on a small farm, so I would take off to one of the fields nearby, lie down on my back in the high straw grass (invisible to my family) and watch as the planes flew through the clouds overhead.   I used to imagine that they could see me lying there and I would wave at them.  I knew that my career was now chosen and would never change!  I wanted to be on one of those big silver birds, looking down at a little girl daydreaming, while hiding in the straw grass.  I wanted to travel and see the world!  How exciting! Yes, I was an adventurer, even then!  I could hardly wait to start my career and see the world!

After I finally came to my career choice, I was able to find out what the requirements were, what courses I needed to take (Spanish I & II), what my height and weight could be (I was 5 feet, 7 inches tall and weighed 116 pounds at 16, so well within the limits).  I told everyone, family members, friends and strangers what I planned to do when I graduated.  I regret not going on to college, but money just wasn’t there for that.  Unfortunately, back in the sixties that was the case with most girls, not the exception!  Luckily, that wasn’t a requirement to become a flight attendant.  However, I found out during the application process I had to be 20 years old before they could hire me.  I asked what they recommended I do in the two years after graduation, before turning 20.  They suggested that I go to work with Southern Bell, because that’s who they hired most of their employees from.  An engagement ring and plans to get married in April, 1967 derailed my long term plans to be a flight attendant.  Instead I went to work with Eastern in the Reservations Center.  I still got to travel as an airline employee, but not as a flight attendant.   The cost for my family and me to travel?  $3 per person, per segment in coach or $5 per person, per segment first class, on standby, of course.

During high school I also fell in love with reading, writing and typing on one of our two electric typewriters at school.  I was so glad no one else wanted to use the electric one, so I got to use it for two years!  The love of those subjects has remained with me throughout my life . . . longer than my travel career.

Back to my question:  “Why was I so nervous about meeting Chuck?”  I was conflicted!  After two failed marriages and a long term failed relationship, all three ended by me, after throwing in the proverbial towel, tired of trying to make them work, I didn’t want to take a chance on that fourth relationship.  I am a giver, not a taker, and I truly had burned out on giving.  I really wanted someone to appreciate everything I did for them and reciprocate, at least a little and communicate honestly with me.   However, while reading Eleanor Roosevelt’s quotes, I came across this quote, which humbled me beyond words:  “Lest I keep my complacent way I must remember somewhere out there a person died for me today. As long as there must be war, I ask and I must answer was I worth dying for?”  ― Eleanor Roosevelt  Something we should all ask ourselves, especially if you start thinking of yourself as more important than you really are.

Now, going back in my mind to those childhood memories, I was able to answer Chuck enthusiastically and honestly. . . two things I’ve always been known for and loved. . . travel and writing!

I hope you enjoy my blogs and I would appreciate you adding your comments and asking any questions you may have.  I will be happy to answer them.  If I do not know the answer, I will attempt to find the answer for you.

Thanks for reading my blogs!

Sandy

Advertisements

About sandy280
My Story . . . My life is a work in progress . . . ever changing and I'm always ready to try something new. I've come full circle in my life and I am now ready for the Golden Years! My goal is to finish at least two of the five books I have started writing. I love writing poetry, especially poems that are therapeutic to write. I would love to meet and fall in love with the man of my dreams, if he is out there and it's meant to be. This is a favorite quote of mine and I do believe it is true: "Come grow old (or young) with me. The best is yet to be." If you are a single (maybe single again), Baby Boomer, you, too, have experienced many loves in your life, some were long-term marriages and some were only puppy loves; however, each one has brought you to this point in your life, maybe trying to find someone to live out the rest of your life with. Hopefully, you are a happy person, not "needing" someone in your life, but "wanting" that special someone to live out the rest of your life with, someone to do things with or do nothing with. We never know whether today is our last day here on earth, so why not live it as if it were?!? The ups and downs of my life have made me stronger and prepared me for bigger and better things now. And, I also think Sam Keen's quote from To Love and Be Loved is so appropriate: “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” None of us are perfect and when we start looking at imperfect people to find the perfect person for yourself, then, and only then, will you find your dream person! Good luck! I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I believe we are all survivors, if we want to be. I love the words and message in Brooks and Dunn's song "Believe", Tim McGraw's song "Live Like You were Dying" and Josh Turner's song, "Why Don't We Just Dance" and "Just a Kiss" by Lady Antebellum. Combine all of the words and the advice in those songs and you will have my own philosophy! Clearly we should enjoy each day and do the things we want to do, so live each day like you were dying! Life is just too short, so make up your own Bucket List and start checking them off now. May God bless! Bragging rights: I have two adult children who have blessed me with three grandchildren each, three grandsons and three granddaughters. And, as of 12/26/2013, all six are teenagers! The youngest is 13 and the oldest is 19 and in his sophomore year at Wingate University. (See My Family photo that my grandson, Stephen, took for me on January 3, 2014 -- my beautiful family portrait! BTW it was around 20 degrees that morning, but much colder with the wind chill factor, when we walked out behind the restaurant to pose for this portrait, that's why our smiles are frozen, our hair is windblown and our cheeks are rosy!) "I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love." ~~Marilyn Monroe~~ ·This quote seemed too good and appropriate for me not to share it with you. RIP Marilyn! I finally had my "internal flip switch" turned back on after years of saying "Never, again!" I am ready to start living life again, one day at a time, as though today could be my last day on earth, because one day it will be. I have missed having a funny, yet, sincere and honest, fun loving, caring and loving man in my life -- could you be the one to enhance my happiness as I enhance yours? Let's find out if sparks fly when we meet face to face from the electricity generated between us -- the "IT" factor, the chemistry that seems so elusive, then and only then can we can grow younger together. I can only promise you that I give more than I take; my love will be unconditional and you will find me there when you need me and in the background doing my own thing when you don't. My life, as with most people, has included ups and downs, ins and outs, the Chaos and Butterfly Theory does make sense to me. This is a great video about how these things do effect us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfD1OsP-Bv8 Please do not hesitate to drop me an email, asking me questions or making comments regarding any of my blogs. I look forward to hearing from any of you, especially the potential Mr. Rights. Until then -- take care. Sandy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: