A Little Life Advice

Advice

            First, a toast to you and your brighter future!

  Advice and tips you may be able to use:

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER:

Toasting the new year with great neighbors and friends

1) Consider this quote “Never base your life decisions on advice from people who don’t have to deal with the results”  (author unknown) with everything I mention and with any advice I may offer and any tips I suggest . . . you are the one who will deal with the results!

2) My personal advice, and tips gleaned from others, may not work for you, so please consider altering the suggestion to fit your persona and/or situation.  And, please keep referring to the quote pictured here!  You, my friend, are the controller of YOUR universe, so make your life choices carefully, both in business and in your personal life.

3) No matter what you hear, no matter what you see — no one can convince you to do something unless you are truly ready and willing to do it.  So, please listen to your inner (gut) feelings, your self-consciousness and intuition.  We are all responsible for our own well-being, our own happiness and our own paths in life.  Do a little research and soul-searching before making life-changing decisions.

4) Feel free to ask questions (for the public or for me to answer), then check back in a few days for answers.

5) Please offer your suggestions, advice, tips and answers to any questions posted here.  With the disclaimer above, the ones with the questions, should consider the sources.  We are not representing ourselves as attorneys, doctors or any other kind of professionals, so take all advice accordingly and feel free to get a second, third, fourth or more opinion.   My only intent in writing these blogs, advice columns and/or giving you my own personal experiences is to keep you from reinventing the wheel, from making the same mistakes I and others have made and for giving you that leg up — that gentle push — to help you get ahead easier and quicker.   We will all benefit from your improved life.  Thanks for taking time out to read and listen to my advice, whether you take it or not, you might at least avoid a few pitfalls.  Now on to the real advice . . .

Sandy

Hello world!

On top of Mount Jefferson, NC October 2012

On top of Mount Jefferson, NC October 2012

As a Baby Boomer who turned 67 in 2013, who had built a wall around my heart, with a declaration over the previous  five years that I would never get in a serious relationship again, I finally woke up and chose to start living again!  I’m hoping I can share some of the good, bad and the ugly experiences I’ve had, to keep you from making the same ones (I hope)!

I had been out of the dating scene for quite a while and wasn’t that experienced throughout my entire adult life, before and after my two marriages and ultimate divorces.  It seemed I always had someone with me.  From a roommate at the YWCA after high school in 1964 to a two-bedroom apartment in Charlotte, then a studio apartment over a sweet, elderly lady’s garage before getting married in 1967 and moving into our new brick house, not far from South Park, where Eastern Airlines’ Res Center was located on Fairview.

We moved back to my childhood neighborhood, thirty minutes from uptown Charlotte, after I found out I was pregnant with our second child.  Tim, our first child, was almost 2 years old, so we wanted to move to the country and build a house on the acre of land that my parents gave us for a wedding present.  It was going to be so nice to be next door to them, although it was about a half of a mile “up the road”.

There were a few other “alone” times; however, until 2007, I didn’t know how to react  when friends and family members commented that I must really be lonely, just because I was alone!  I was too busy and too happy to be lonely!

I guess Chuck was probably a ‘little’ (drastically understated here) overwhelmed.   (See Chuck’s question to me.)  My low self-confidence and esteem were conflicting with my high self-confidence and esteem.  I know that I am the best woman for any man, so why was I feeling so inadequate?   (I learned you MUST learn to love yourself if you expect others to love you!)  Why was I so nervous about meeting Chuck?

Let me back up to my early teenage years, before I attempt to answer that question — back in the day of trying to decide what I really wanted to do with my life.  In my childhood, as most young children do, I wanted to be a nurse.  No, no, not just any nurse, I wanted to be just like Florence Nightingale.  However, after experiencing getting a vaccination  and seeing, firsthand, all kinds of medical situations, I decided that I did not think I was strong enough to be a nurse.  I really admire all nurses!

After searching through books in the guidance counselor’s office in high school, I went home to discuss this indecision with my parents.  That’s when my father told me that one of his friend’s daughter worked for an airline.  He said she flew all over the country and loved it.  He suggested I check into doing that.  My eyes lit up and I exclaimed, “That’s it!  I want to be a stewardess (now called flight attendants)!  We lived on a small farm, so I would take off to one of the fields nearby, lie down on my back in the high straw grass (invisible to my family) and watch as the planes flew through the clouds overhead.   I used to imagine that they could see me lying there and I would wave at them.  I knew that my career was now chosen and would never change!  I wanted to be on one of those big silver birds, looking down at a little girl daydreaming, while hiding in the straw grass.  I wanted to travel and see the world!  How exciting! Yes, I was an adventurer, even then!  I could hardly wait to start my career and see the world!

After I finally came to my career choice, I was able to find out what the requirements were, what courses I needed to take (Spanish I & II), what my height and weight could be (I was 5 feet, 7 inches tall and weighed 116 pounds at 16, so well within the limits).  I told everyone, family members, friends and strangers what I planned to do when I graduated.  I regret not going on to college, but money just wasn’t there for that.  Unfortunately, back in the sixties that was the case with most girls, not the exception!  Luckily, that wasn’t a requirement to become a flight attendant.  However, I found out during the application process I had to be 20 years old before they could hire me.  I asked what they recommended I do in the two years after graduation, before turning 20.  They suggested that I go to work with Southern Bell, because that’s who they hired most of their employees from.  An engagement ring and plans to get married in April, 1967 derailed my long term plans to be a flight attendant.  Instead I went to work with Eastern in the Reservations Center.  I still got to travel as an airline employee, but not as a flight attendant.   The cost for my family and me to travel?  $3 per person, per segment in coach or $5 per person, per segment first class, on standby, of course.

During high school I also fell in love with reading, writing and typing on one of our two electric typewriters at school.  I was so glad no one else wanted to use the electric one, so I got to use it for two years!  The love of those subjects has remained with me throughout my life . . . longer than my travel career.

Back to my question:  “Why was I so nervous about meeting Chuck?”  I was conflicted!  After two failed marriages and a long term failed relationship, all three ended by me, after throwing in the proverbial towel, tired of trying to make them work, I didn’t want to take a chance on that fourth relationship.  I am a giver, not a taker, and I truly had burned out on giving.  I really wanted someone to appreciate everything I did for them and reciprocate, at least a little and communicate honestly with me.   However, while reading Eleanor Roosevelt’s quotes, I came across this quote, which humbled me beyond words:  “Lest I keep my complacent way I must remember somewhere out there a person died for me today. As long as there must be war, I ask and I must answer was I worth dying for?”  ― Eleanor Roosevelt  Something we should all ask ourselves, especially if you start thinking of yourself as more important than you really are.

Now, going back in my mind to those childhood memories, I was able to answer Chuck enthusiastically and honestly. . . two things I’ve always been known for and loved. . . travel and writing!

I hope you enjoy my blogs and I would appreciate you adding your comments and asking any questions you may have.  I will be happy to answer them.  If I do not know the answer, I will attempt to find the answer for you.

Thanks for reading my blogs!

Sandy